Are you fucking kidding me?
I’m not stupid. I fucking knew you were using me and all those times you “didn’t have a phone” or I couldn’t get ahold of you, I knew in my heart that you were ignoring me. And I stuck through it. Partly because, yes I didn’t have many friends. And I thought maybe you would see how good of a friend I was to you and you might change the way you treated me. I only wanted a friend in you, someone to confide in and hang out with. You only wanted to use me and for when you had nobody else. I was always there. You never were.
I guess it’s partially my fault for being the kind of person that I am. Always wanting to see the best in people. I ignored your faults and the way you treated my friendship. I even fucking turned my head when you refused to stop talking to my ex who you knew had a thing for you. Any good friend would have been appalled and stopped talking to that person because of the way it made me feel. You encouraged it. Seriously, that’s so fucked up.
We haven’t spoken in almost a year or seen eachother. I thought maybe you’d come around. Tried to be there for you in tough times. You ignored me. You didn’t make ONE serious attempt to talk or hang out with me. So I hope you’re happy knowing that you refused a friendship that would’ve actually lasted, not these others that only please you for the time being. I hope whatever you do in life fills the void that I apparently wasn’t worth filling with. I hope you know that I poured my soul and emotions out to you and into our friendship and it killed me when you weren’t there.
So this is goodbye. I’m finally done trying.
I had a moment of realization earlier. I think I’m so disappointed in most people because I’ve always been too anti-social. I grew up with my family of course, but with myself. I’ve only seen most situations played out and dealt with how I would deal with them. I never witnessed how other people interpreted things and reacted enough so the main reason I get so disappointed in people (and so confused) is because I expect them to react as I would.
It’s how I’ve been conditioned, so there’s no real hope in completely changing it but as long as I remember this when I get frustrated and confused by people maybe it will make me feel better.
Thinking about getting either the OPI Axxium or Shellac polishes and a UV lamp maybe for Christmas? I know it’s something I could do myself for so much cheaper than in a salon.
I’m honestly so out of the loop with other people. So many people are just not worth it to me to try and befriend. I’ve tried so many times before and it makes me sad to see that they don’t even care that we haven’t talked in so long. I’ve done so much for them with practically nothing in return. I know you can’t and shouldn’t have to change people, but I wish you could sometimes..
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